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| Saturday November 5, 2011 |
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| Palmer Lake Bike Route |
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| Almost Heaven - Palmer Lake, CO |
My goals over this past year were to bring power and strength to my cycling. I spent the last four months riding my favorite route from Highlands Ranch, CO to Palmer Lake, CO! A hilly yet scenic route from the South Suburbs through country roads of Colorado.
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| Palmer Lake, Colorado |
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| Athlete Has Checked-In |
~ Wednesday ~
I arrived in sunny Panama City Beach, Florida on Wednesday afternoon after narrowly escaping a snow storm in Denver, Colorado. The mid day arrival allowed for the following:
* Athlete Checkin - Athlete must wear an arm band with their race number.
* Bike Pickup - TriBike Transport had scheduled bike pickup until 5pm
* Lodging Checkin - Fast lines through checkin
It was important to get these tasks completed as quickly as possible to avoid long lines and prolonged exposure to the sun.
~ Thursday ~
One of the best ways I have found to minimize pre-race nervousness is to get familiar with the race venue. So Thursday was on a mission to doing the following:
- Swim the Swim Course
- Bike the Run Course
- Drive the Bike Course
With my personal "Course Review' out of the way, I was ready to attend the "Athlete's Welcome Dinner". While many shy away from this event due to food restrictions, I endure the food for the opportunity to commune with others who are about to face the Ironman challenge. This marks the Official Start of "Race Week" and sets the tone of the event. I find that sitting with all of my fellow Ironman Athletes creates a bond of unity, support and encouragement as we prepare ourselves to face our race day.
~ Friday ~
I could feel the tension mounting as the sun rose over the ocean. The athletes are responsible for checking their bikes into the transition area and surrendering all items needed for the "Swim to Bike" Transition (T1) and the "Bike to Run" Transition (T2).
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| E9 Ready for Take Off! |
The "butterflies" were really fluttering making my tummy quite nervous. I ate a small portion of my standard pre-race meal, Lasagna with Meat Sauce. I layed out my race clothes "Transition Style".
Spread out on the floor was my Full Body Luis Garneu Triathlon Suit, CEP Compression Sleeves, Garmin 310XT Wrist GPS System and Heart Rate Monitor Strap. Race Morning comes quickly, so I turned in to bed to encourage my body to rest.
Spread out on the floor was my Full Body Luis Garneu Triathlon Suit, CEP Compression Sleeves, Garmin 310XT Wrist GPS System and Heart Rate Monitor Strap. Race Morning comes quickly, so I turned in to bed to encourage my body to rest.
Race Morning
The weather was literally perfect! The cool morning air had promise to warm up early afternoon. The Ocean Waves had laid down and the water looked like glass!
I dropped off my special needs bags and tended to my bike in the transition area. Tires were topped off with air and hydration bottles filled and ready for take off!
Wet suit on I headed to the swim start! The day was about to begin!!!
The Swim - 2.4 Miles
The swim took place in the beautiful waters of the Gulf of Mexico. While the swim was "Wetsuit Legal", the wetsuit certainly was not needed for warmth. The water temperature was a very comfortable 70F/21C. It felt slightly cooler than bath water!
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| IM Florida Race Morning |
I walked under the swim start arch and right up to where the water met the shore. The ocean had transformed from the raging waves just two days before to a "Sweet Lake Like" presence. It was serene.
A line of neoprene clad athletes formed on the sugar white sandy beach of Pamana City. The twenty-five hundred athletes formed a line that was both wide and deep. I positioned myself slightly right about half way from the front. My goal was to find that "Sweet Spot" where I did not impede myself or others.
After staring at the wave pattern, I found myself adjusting a few more steps to the right. I placed my hand over my heart while listening to the American National Anthem. The presence of the race was close.
"...the outward breath relaxes... when the cannon goes off just release yourself like a dove..."
::: Air horn sounds!:::
Lap 1:
So I calmly entered the water with thousands of splashing arms and legs surrounding me. I shuffled my feet in hopes of not stepping on a "Ray". I could see them from the hotel balcony swarming around near the shoreline. I remember startling a few "Rays" from 2010 and wanted to avoid a repeat performance.
There was a huge traffic jam just before the first buoy... I tried not to panic as I found myself at a stand still unable to lay horizontally and swim. People were coming from each side as well as behind... the congestion thickened.
The first wave of panic set in... In effort to survive the crisis I ended up taking in a few swallows of intensely salty sea water... "...look for an escape..." I told myself. I recommitted to talking myself through this...
I dodged many swimmers as they stopped to survey their exact location. My chin narrowly avoided a breaststroke kick as I navigated my way through segments of water.
As I neared the turn, I could see these translucent creatures floating just below me. These "Clear Umbrella shaped objects" seems to group together... they seemed to calmly drift under the tumultuous swimmers. "... so beautiful..." I thought to myself... "...but aren't those JELLYFISH!!!!!!!!"
My body flushed with adrenaline!!! "Maintain!!! Maintain!!! You CAN NOT PANIC NOW!!!!!!" It seemed impossible to talk myself down. By now my kicking was frantic and I literally clawed my way around the buoys trying to avoid contact with these peaceful iridescent domes.
Oh my God they were EVERYWHERE!! Jellyfish below... jellyfish to the left and the right... I struggled to control my emotions!
My mouth was completely numb from the intense salt water. I could not find a way to keep my mouth closed! "Just avoid the jellyfish... keep swimming..." I was heading in to shore to complete my first lap. I could feel something on my wrist... "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" The slightest contact with my skin sent my anxiety through the roof!!! I expected to see a jellyfish near my hand, however, what I saw was my Garmin 310XT Wrist GPS Fall to the Ocean Floor.
There was a split second that I considered diving for it... everything seemed to be going in slow motion... "...surely I could catch it..."... but with swimmers behind and jellyfish below I decided against it. "Just keep swimming... the clock is still ticking... finish the swim!!!" I made it to shore and matted my first loop.
Lap 2:
After swimming for so long I always find myself off balance when I try to stand. I managed to stumble to my feet and run across the timing mat to record the completion of my first lap in the water. I could feel the soft white sand under my feet as I ran through the aids station. Volunteers were handing out Fresh Water and Gatorade. The water was so refreshing for a brief moment, then back into the ocean for my second lap.
It was hard to focus on swimming when there were so many jellyfish present. I focused on pulling a little harder to compensate for the current. Soon I had approached "Jellyfish corner"! Once again they were ever present just sever feet below. I swam wide to avoid the struggle for the straightest swim line between buoys. I also had more room to negotiate jellyfish that were coming closer to the surface. I counted the buoys one by one trusting that I was indeed moving forward.
Just as I made the last left hand turn around the buoy I noticed something "Large and Pink" in my peripheral vision. The current of the ocean was, of course, drifting in the direction of this "Pink" object...and it looked very different from the Moon Jellyfish. Prior to hearing about it at the Welcome Dinner it would not have registered to me as "Marine Life" but as I glanced at it with each swim stroke I took it was indeed a "PINK MEANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The shore could not come soon enough! I swam until my hands hit sand, then stood up to run in knee high water!
Transition 1
I ran through the fresh water showers toward the wetsuit strippers! I was "Down" and the wetsuit "Off" in mere seconds. I ran to retrieve my "Swim to Bike" Bag then back toward the hotel to the Women's Changing Room.
It was SHEER PANDEMONIUM!!! I remembered this from last year and ran straight through toward the exit. I found a chair to sit in while putting on my shoes. The volunteers were all busy helping other women, so I put on my own gear... fumbled to get my wetsuit into that "tiny little plastic bag" then out the door I went in search of my bike!
Now the bikes were racked numerically in rows and I had practiced sighting my bike while it was racked. What I did not practice was sighting my bike when a volunteer had moved it several rows beyond where it was originally located!!!
"WHERE IS MY BIKE!!?!???" I remember yelling... I never heard a response. I was panicked and confused. Luckily I kept running forward to find it being held by a very nervous volunteer. I suspect the experience was equally as traumatic for him as it was for me. I grabbed it by the rear seat and trotted, in my bike shoes, to the mount line which seemed to be incredibly far away!
E9 is ready for take off!
The Bike - 112 Miles
On the bike now my legs began to spin. I re-traced the roads that I had driven just two days prior.
I remember thinking that the road seemed so innocent when I was in the car... the gradient barely seemed to change. "This is definitely do-able" I thought to myself hoping to bring my new "Power and Endurance" to the roads of Florida. But the winds had another story to tell... they felt equally as fierce as they did in 2010. The flat road seemed to transform and my legs felt like they were encased in lead. I can not explain this illusion, but I had the experience of pedaling up hills.
"Problem solve... what to do for power???" I searched my mind for a solution... I drank more and ate quite a few calories hoping the extra fuel would find a way to transfer itself to my legs.
In the Tour de France the announcers often talk about a cyclist "Going Backward" when they fall off the back of the main field during a mountain stage. Well, that is what was happening to me. The more energy I tried to muster the less energy I had.
"You made it past the cut off," a gracious volunteer yelled at me. I knew it would be close but I was grateful to know that I had made it through. I bared down in an aero position in attempt to get a bit more wattage.
On the Ironman Florida Bike Course there is an "Out and Back" section that the athletes must traverse before heading back in to Panama City Beach. I remember this section well because last year I pretended to ride it "Time Trial" Style. The cove was protected from the wind somewhat so there was an extra chance at riding it slightly faster than the more exposed areas. Well this year I had nothing. I began my time trial effort only to fizzle out and "Sit Up".
There was a timing mat to mark mile ninety-five. I remember listening to my favorite electronic sound as I rolled across the mat. I remember thinking to myself, "...only seventeen more miles...".
While I did not have a watch I repeatedly asked for the time. I knew that 5:30pm was the bike cutoff and it was approaching 4:20pm. The latter half of the bike ride was somewhat down hill with a tail wind so I in my mind thought I could "Get Home" just in a nick of time.
Well as I approached the main road and prepared to turn right toward the Bike Finish a man stepped in front of me. He held his palm forward to signal me to stop. My initial thought was, "Wow, they are getting pretty aggressive about road safety!" I unclipped one foot expecting to get the go ahead when he realized that the traffic was, indeed, clear. I was not prepared to hear what he was about to say next.
Missed Bike Cutoff Time:
"I'm sorry ma'am... you've missed the cut off and I'm afraid you are not permitted to continue... we'll need to take your chip."
...my mind could not register his words...
I stood there numb and in disbelief...
...my heart hurt.
I managed to dismounted my bike and stand still long enough to have my timing chip removed.
The volunteers took my bike and instructed me to wait near the truck with the others.
There was a group of six athletes standing there. All of which I had played "Leap Frog" with over the last ten miles or so. There was little eye contact and no conversation. There was nothing to say.
Silently I watched the same thing happen to the next rider and then next. I remember feeling helpless and empty. Out of everything that can go wrong during an Ironman, I never thought this would be how my day would end.
The long ride back to the Race Start:
There were several trucks waiting there to transport us back to the race start. Slowly we loaded into the truck. You could hear a pin drop. The air was thick with lost dreams, hurt feelings and disbelief... Non-verbally we acknowledged each others attempt at managing our reality.
As we drove past a few athletes we could see them visibly fighting the wind! Out of sheer instinct, I rolled down the window to shout a few words of encouragement.
"NICE WORK, Stay with it!" ... "Keep it going!"
No sooner than I said that, it hit me...
...my race day is over.
Tears flooded my eyes... "...I missed the bike cut off... " I thought to myself...
"It's over!" ...my brain slowly began to register the magnitude of what just happened...
It was fruitless trying to fight back the feelings of failure and inadequacy... the tide of emotion consumed me... and I simply allowed the big tears to stream down my face...
Life after DNF:
While a DNF is never easy for anyone to swallow, I am committed to is remembering that this is a "Single Snapshot" in Time and not a "Finite Declaration of Who I Am" or "What is Possible for me as a Triathlete"!
There is NEVER a day that goes by that I don't think about Training For or Racing In an Ironman Triathlon. This has not changed. The most significant contribution that missing the bike cut off at Ironman Florida has made in my life is it helps me realize that if I want to continue to participate in Triathlon at this distance I must "Go Deeper".
While my athletic talent is very modest, my clarity and commitment are extraordinary. These are my strengths... so this is where I will start... being clear and committed!
People race Ironman for many reasons...
...some race to display their prowess...
...others to symbolize overcoming an illness...
For me, race Ironman because I like who I am as I live this lifestyle. I like the structure and discipline it takes to train... the planning and organization that goes into racing. I like the mental challenge and moment by moment choices that the mind must make to keep my goals clear when the world around me occasionally suggests otherwise.
I train for and participate in these races as my way of revealing my "Greater Yet To Be". The riggers of this sport remind me to release those layers of myself that I want to transform... ... to break through what appears to be barriers and to get on the other side... and there is NOTHING greater than to experience the progressive realization of my goals and dreams.
Have Big Fun in the Sun...
...SWIM, BIKE, RUN!!!!!!!!
After staring at the wave pattern, I found myself adjusting a few more steps to the right. I placed my hand over my heart while listening to the American National Anthem. The presence of the race was close.
"...the outward breath relaxes... when the cannon goes off just release yourself like a dove..."
::: Air horn sounds!:::
Lap 1:
So I calmly entered the water with thousands of splashing arms and legs surrounding me. I shuffled my feet in hopes of not stepping on a "Ray". I could see them from the hotel balcony swarming around near the shoreline. I remember startling a few "Rays" from 2010 and wanted to avoid a repeat performance.
There was a huge traffic jam just before the first buoy... I tried not to panic as I found myself at a stand still unable to lay horizontally and swim. People were coming from each side as well as behind... the congestion thickened.
The first wave of panic set in... In effort to survive the crisis I ended up taking in a few swallows of intensely salty sea water... "...look for an escape..." I told myself. I recommitted to talking myself through this...
I dodged many swimmers as they stopped to survey their exact location. My chin narrowly avoided a breaststroke kick as I navigated my way through segments of water.
 |
| Moon Jellyfish |
My body flushed with adrenaline!!! "Maintain!!! Maintain!!! You CAN NOT PANIC NOW!!!!!!" It seemed impossible to talk myself down. By now my kicking was frantic and I literally clawed my way around the buoys trying to avoid contact with these peaceful iridescent domes.
Oh my God they were EVERYWHERE!! Jellyfish below... jellyfish to the left and the right... I struggled to control my emotions!
My mouth was completely numb from the intense salt water. I could not find a way to keep my mouth closed! "Just avoid the jellyfish... keep swimming..." I was heading in to shore to complete my first lap. I could feel something on my wrist... "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" The slightest contact with my skin sent my anxiety through the roof!!! I expected to see a jellyfish near my hand, however, what I saw was my Garmin 310XT Wrist GPS Fall to the Ocean Floor.
There was a split second that I considered diving for it... everything seemed to be going in slow motion... "...surely I could catch it..."... but with swimmers behind and jellyfish below I decided against it. "Just keep swimming... the clock is still ticking... finish the swim!!!" I made it to shore and matted my first loop.
Lap 2:
After swimming for so long I always find myself off balance when I try to stand. I managed to stumble to my feet and run across the timing mat to record the completion of my first lap in the water. I could feel the soft white sand under my feet as I ran through the aids station. Volunteers were handing out Fresh Water and Gatorade. The water was so refreshing for a brief moment, then back into the ocean for my second lap.
It was hard to focus on swimming when there were so many jellyfish present. I focused on pulling a little harder to compensate for the current. Soon I had approached "Jellyfish corner"! Once again they were ever present just sever feet below. I swam wide to avoid the struggle for the straightest swim line between buoys. I also had more room to negotiate jellyfish that were coming closer to the surface. I counted the buoys one by one trusting that I was indeed moving forward.
At the Athlete's Welcome Dinner the Water Safety Officer made a note of a jellyfish called the "Pink Meanie"... he did not describe the jellyfish in detail but he did mention to make an extra effort to steer clear of it.
Just as I made the last left hand turn around the buoy I noticed something "Large and Pink" in my peripheral vision. The current of the ocean was, of course, drifting in the direction of this "Pink" object...and it looked very different from the Moon Jellyfish. Prior to hearing about it at the Welcome Dinner it would not have registered to me as "Marine Life" but as I glanced at it with each swim stroke I took it was indeed a "PINK MEANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
::: VIOLENT KICKING AND CLAWING ::: I could NOT control myself!!!!! I fought the current that seemed to be pushing me in the direction of the "Pink Meanie" while trying to progress toward shore!!!
Stroke after stroke I felt like I was at a complete stand still... my stroke had undoubtedly become terribly inefficient. "PULL!!!" I thought to myself... "CATCH THE WATER AND PULL!!!" I manged to regain enough focus after working though a cramp caused by my violent kicking. Slowly but surely I was nearing the end.
The shore could not come soon enough! I swam until my hands hit sand, then stood up to run in knee high water!
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| IMFL 2011 - Swim Finish |
I ran through the fresh water showers toward the wetsuit strippers! I was "Down" and the wetsuit "Off" in mere seconds. I ran to retrieve my "Swim to Bike" Bag then back toward the hotel to the Women's Changing Room.
It was SHEER PANDEMONIUM!!! I remembered this from last year and ran straight through toward the exit. I found a chair to sit in while putting on my shoes. The volunteers were all busy helping other women, so I put on my own gear... fumbled to get my wetsuit into that "tiny little plastic bag" then out the door I went in search of my bike!
Now the bikes were racked numerically in rows and I had practiced sighting my bike while it was racked. What I did not practice was sighting my bike when a volunteer had moved it several rows beyond where it was originally located!!!
"WHERE IS MY BIKE!!?!???" I remember yelling... I never heard a response. I was panicked and confused. Luckily I kept running forward to find it being held by a very nervous volunteer. I suspect the experience was equally as traumatic for him as it was for me. I grabbed it by the rear seat and trotted, in my bike shoes, to the mount line which seemed to be incredibly far away!
E9 is ready for take off!
The Bike - 112 Miles
On the bike now my legs began to spin. I re-traced the roads that I had driven just two days prior.
I remember thinking that the road seemed so innocent when I was in the car... the gradient barely seemed to change. "This is definitely do-able" I thought to myself hoping to bring my new "Power and Endurance" to the roads of Florida. But the winds had another story to tell... they felt equally as fierce as they did in 2010. The flat road seemed to transform and my legs felt like they were encased in lead. I can not explain this illusion, but I had the experience of pedaling up hills.
I tried to be patient with myself as I made my way from aid station to aid station. "Drink a full bottle every ten miles"... I knew the routine. I did everything I wanted to with respect to hydration and nutrition but my legs had no power.
"You're almost at the turn around," cyclists yelled as I rode toward the half way point. The road rumbled beneath my seat post as I barely rolled over the many cracks in the pavement. "It gets better," someone yelled their encouragement... the look on my face must have told my story. My engine had no power... nothing in the tank.
I quickly retrieved my nutrition from my "Special Needs Bag" barely stopping for only a split second. I could feel the wind at my back instead of creating the "Invisible BRICK WALL" I had been pedaling against for the last fifty-six miles. I was able to turn the crank just a bit more, but I lacked my normal "Time Trial" power that I had experienced just one year ago. "Problem solve... what to do for power???" I searched my mind for a solution... I drank more and ate quite a few calories hoping the extra fuel would find a way to transfer itself to my legs.
In the Tour de France the announcers often talk about a cyclist "Going Backward" when they fall off the back of the main field during a mountain stage. Well, that is what was happening to me. The more energy I tried to muster the less energy I had.
"You made it past the cut off," a gracious volunteer yelled at me. I knew it would be close but I was grateful to know that I had made it through. I bared down in an aero position in attempt to get a bit more wattage.
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| Ironman Florida Bike Course 2011 |
There was a timing mat to mark mile ninety-five. I remember listening to my favorite electronic sound as I rolled across the mat. I remember thinking to myself, "...only seventeen more miles...".
While I did not have a watch I repeatedly asked for the time. I knew that 5:30pm was the bike cutoff and it was approaching 4:20pm. The latter half of the bike ride was somewhat down hill with a tail wind so I in my mind thought I could "Get Home" just in a nick of time.
Well as I approached the main road and prepared to turn right toward the Bike Finish a man stepped in front of me. He held his palm forward to signal me to stop. My initial thought was, "Wow, they are getting pretty aggressive about road safety!" I unclipped one foot expecting to get the go ahead when he realized that the traffic was, indeed, clear. I was not prepared to hear what he was about to say next.
Missed Bike Cutoff Time:
"I'm sorry ma'am... you've missed the cut off and I'm afraid you are not permitted to continue... we'll need to take your chip."
...my mind could not register his words...
I stood there numb and in disbelief...
...my heart hurt.
I managed to dismounted my bike and stand still long enough to have my timing chip removed.
The volunteers took my bike and instructed me to wait near the truck with the others.
There was a group of six athletes standing there. All of which I had played "Leap Frog" with over the last ten miles or so. There was little eye contact and no conversation. There was nothing to say.
Silently I watched the same thing happen to the next rider and then next. I remember feeling helpless and empty. Out of everything that can go wrong during an Ironman, I never thought this would be how my day would end.
The long ride back to the Race Start:
There were several trucks waiting there to transport us back to the race start. Slowly we loaded into the truck. You could hear a pin drop. The air was thick with lost dreams, hurt feelings and disbelief... Non-verbally we acknowledged each others attempt at managing our reality.
As we drove past a few athletes we could see them visibly fighting the wind! Out of sheer instinct, I rolled down the window to shout a few words of encouragement.
"NICE WORK, Stay with it!" ... "Keep it going!"
No sooner than I said that, it hit me...
...my race day is over.
Tears flooded my eyes... "...I missed the bike cut off... " I thought to myself...
"It's over!" ...my brain slowly began to register the magnitude of what just happened...
It was fruitless trying to fight back the feelings of failure and inadequacy... the tide of emotion consumed me... and I simply allowed the big tears to stream down my face...
 |
| Opening to the Possibilities of "What's Next!" |
While a DNF is never easy for anyone to swallow, I am committed to is remembering that this is a "Single Snapshot" in Time and not a "Finite Declaration of Who I Am" or "What is Possible for me as a Triathlete"!
There is NEVER a day that goes by that I don't think about Training For or Racing In an Ironman Triathlon. This has not changed. The most significant contribution that missing the bike cut off at Ironman Florida has made in my life is it helps me realize that if I want to continue to participate in Triathlon at this distance I must "Go Deeper".
While my athletic talent is very modest, my clarity and commitment are extraordinary. These are my strengths... so this is where I will start... being clear and committed!
People race Ironman for many reasons...
...some race to display their prowess...
...others to symbolize overcoming an illness...
For me, race Ironman because I like who I am as I live this lifestyle. I like the structure and discipline it takes to train... the planning and organization that goes into racing. I like the mental challenge and moment by moment choices that the mind must make to keep my goals clear when the world around me occasionally suggests otherwise.
I train for and participate in these races as my way of revealing my "Greater Yet To Be". The riggers of this sport remind me to release those layers of myself that I want to transform... ... to break through what appears to be barriers and to get on the other side... and there is NOTHING greater than to experience the progressive realization of my goals and dreams.
Have Big Fun in the Sun...
...SWIM, BIKE, RUN!!!!!!!!
